OK, so it wasn’t exactly a marathon. Three hours with four kids in tow is still a LONG time!! 😀
Our first trip to the YMCA went well. 😀 No work-outs, just fun yesterday. We had fun playing in the pool, Chris saw some kids that he remembers from when he went to school here, and he and Micah had a great time playing with them. The little ones wore life jackets and had a ball floating around. Kody wanted to be left to float, or thrown to go underwater and come up sputtering. Kyle did NOT want to go underwater, and held tight to my arm nearly the entire time. Nicole (Micah’s mom) read and talked with Stormi while the rest of us played in the water.
Stormi “popped out” overnight!! 😀 She’s 4 months now, and glowing. I kept embarrassing her, rubbing her belly, but MeeMee wanted to say hi to her first grandchild!!! 😀 On a more serious note, there’s still plenty of mixed feelings there, but as a teen mother myself (19, for both her and for me), I didn’t find it helpful when people wanted to lecture me or look at me with the long face that says “you’ve made a huge mistake” or constantly show their disappointment in me. I understood their disappointment, I felt it in every fiber of my being, and I knew that the choices I’d made were going to make for a tough life. I was optimistic, but also as realistic as I knew how to be at 19. She doesn’t know the full extent of it, and she won’t until she’s living it. But she’s learning. She also knows that I’m still going to give her advice that I hope she takes, she knows that she can talk to me about the hard stuff (and we’ve had a few of those talks). She also knows, unequivocably, that I love her and that I’m here for her. I only say this now because I’ve heard from friends and family members alike that I seem very happy about the news, and there is some concern that I’m not taking it seriously. I don’t honestly make it a point to “put it out there” when I’m frightened, scared, or angry. Sometimes I don’t even show it to my parents, my husband. There are times when I just decide on a course of action, and I “fake it til I make it”. I am scared that my baby is having a baby at 18. That fear has run the gamut from denial, to anger, to finally acceptance. I’ve considered every scenario, including having her move back in and helping her raise the baby while she finishes college. I’ve thought about telling her that “this” is what she should do. But then, I’ve also recognized that although she is incredibly young, she is a woman, and a legal adult. So instead I chose to present it as an option. She knows that she, the baby’s father, and the baby can move in with us. That she and the baby’s father can continue school, and my husband and I will do everything in our power to make sure that they can do that. They have chosen a different path. I am trying to respect that.
I am more than willing to share other specific talks that we’ve had with certain people, when asked. But for those that don’t ask, they may think I’m taking it lightly. I’m not. Neither is she. But it is what it is. It has happened, the choice has been made. In my heart, the best thing I know to do is to give advice (when asked, and even when I’m not asked), and to help her make the best choices she can make now. And that’s what I’m doing. If I put a happy face on it when I do it, it’s because I’m dealing (mostly internally) with the not-so-happy parts, and making a choice to stand by my daughter. There’s a lot that I’d love to be able to do for her that I can’t… mainly monetary. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t give her anything. I can give her love, acceptance, and as much knowledge as I can. I can give her frugal advice that I’m just now learning, I can help her shop thrift sales and yard sales. I can help her try to understand why having a baby young has so many pitfalls. I can share with her some of the poor decisions I made in hopes that she won’t repeat my mistakes, and I can tell her of the things I wouldn’t change for the world. And that’s what I’m doing.
Wow! I didn’t even realize until I started writing it, that all of that was in there. I keep telling myself to be more genuine in this blog, because I hope that it will help others going through some of the same situations to not feel so alone. Yet I continue to act (sometimes) as if none of this news phases me, and that these feelings aren’t hidden just beneath the surface, lurking. So, as much as the biggest part of me wants to go back and hit the delete key, I won’t. Here I am, being genuine.
Back to a lighter note, yesterday was time for baby shopping! We went to purchase the crib and pack-n-play at Target, but neither were in stock. She did get a maternity band for her pants, to help her convert some of her regular clothes into maternity wear. We’ll check back Wednesday when they get their next shipment in, to see if they get the crib. But in the meantime, we went to Sears and purchased the pack-n-play. She was super-excited about that, the first major purchase for the baby!! We also hit the mall, where she bought a couple of items for maternity wear. I’m going to do a little thrift store shopping for maternity wear this week, too (hopefully I’ll be able to find some things she likes… shopping for my daughter is NEVER an easy thing to do!) 😀
I also stopped into Earthbound and purchased my belly-dancing skirt… woohoo! 😀 Hopefully I’ll attend class on Thursday and have something to report about that.
It was a good day! I miss my baby girl!!! 😀